I’ve entered into a completely new pace of life and the best word to describe it is D I V I N E.
If you’ve been tuning into my past few posts, then you know I had my final graduation from the lessons of the ‘urgency monster’. That is - that sensation within that prompts us to chase something, or sometimes the feeling that we are being chased.
From my experience, the urgency stems from a sense of mistrust in Life.
It’s a side-effect of a set of spiritual/existential beliefs that dictate some form of - We are alone in this universe, and vulnerable to the whims of ‘physics’. Atheistic/agnostic.
I grew up under the rule of an Abrahamic God, and then shed myself of that cage as soon as I was able.
After that, I swam in the default waters of the general reality-views of mainstream, North American society for a few years before I tapped deep into my inner reserves of wisdom and put the pieces back together on what I believe and why I’m here.
It was during those few years of floating, unanchored, through chaotic + unstable belief systems, that I picked up a generalized anxiety that later developed into an unshakeable sense of urgency and a constant fear that I was doing it wrong.
The cure to this was practicing self-trust.
And given enough time, self-trust produces tangible outcomes that can be pointed to as evidence that I know what is best for me - and self-governance becomes easier.
Producing more and more beautiful results as we spiral upwards.
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This morning I woke up to unlimited freedom in how I live today.
I slept extra (which always becomes a necessity after I’ve been socializing a lot), I read in bed, and got up many hours later.
The days now have such a fluid quality to them.
I can do anything.
The only real limits are those that involve the care and maintenance of my physical body and home.
Those are now the anchor, and between tasks that need to be done (like preparing food, or tidying up) - I get to PLAY.
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I’ve actually had this freedom for many years now, as I actualized it for myself in 2020 (when I quit my last job).
But it’s taken me around 6 years to give myself the permission to CLAIM the freedom.
To enjoy it.
To no longer brace myself for and labour on behalf of the ‘what-ifs’.
It’s emotional work more than anything, and a constant deepening of self-trust (which is, ultimately, a trust in God/the Universe/Nature/reality).
Everything I need, I have.
Everything I will need in the future, I will have.
Everything I have ever needed, I had.
